📍 Copenhagen, Denmark @ Relæ
Pictured above is the Assistens Cemetery in Nørrebro - just down the street from the restaurant. I walked through this cemetery drunk and alone and full and happy in complete darkness after dinner.
Shortly after I posted a review of Disfrutar, a representative from the Michelin Guide reached out to me with a job offer. I knew that fine dining wouldn't be the same if I were paid for it. The fork would be in the other hand, so to speak. Well, I am actually a bit ambidextrous, but that's beside the point. I'm doing this for me. I cannot be bought. I told them they can go fuck themselves and included a large middle finger emoji. They responded and said that my response was a little harsh. I replied to say that they were right and that I will keep their offer in mind.
What follows is a truly sincere attempt to record my night at Relæ: full menu + wine pairings.
Sparkling from Campania
Little goat cheese pie with sliced veggies on top
Naturally leavened bread with olive oil from Sicily
Villa Vecchia 2016
Sliced vegetable stalks with peeled raw almond
Plum something Sav Blanc
Lake pike with shredded veggies and coriander seed (I hate coriander)
btw, I really have no idea what kind of vegetables were in the first three dishes.
Homemade grilled lemon juniper water drink
It doesn't even have any alcohol in it
Almost raw trout in brown butter with onion
Food is never described as "almost raw". I should say "rare".
Four small pieces of tomato...
It made me laugh. The people sitting next to me laughed as well.
Now I'm just thinking about how incredible human beings are. Everyone's talking to each other. There's a guy carrying like 11 plates across the room. Someone found a tree and turned it into this amazing table.
More of the Buteo 12 wine
"Fresh from the farm" fava beans in broth with fennel
They switched out my bottle of sparkling water. There was still half of it left. I hope they are refilling and not pouring it out.
A red wine I forget what it's called.
Carrots cooked lightly in a bag with herbs? What?
Some kind of "hollandaise" sauce?
I'm almost done my bread. It's a lot of bread. Did I eat too much bread?
What course am I on?
I have an idea for a movie script. They say people in North Korea are brainwashed, right? Well what if we were the brainwashed ones. Nah, forget it.
Raw lamb "loins" with some kind of cream
I asked, "Lamb...loins? What do you mean by loins?"
It was pretty good.
I like the music here.
It's like... I can't describe it. I already forget what most of it was but I know I liked it.
Thin slices of rare lamb holy shit it's really good. A bunch of green vegetables which I love because I love green vegetables.
They took all of my plates and things. This means dessert.
Sotto Bosco wine. Red sparkling. For the cheese I'm about to have. Cheese. Just straight up cheese I guess.
Cottage cheese "from the farm" with a cracker on top
Italian wine with Japanese characters on it. I took a picture. Bianchdùdùi.
Buttermilk sorbet with green powder on top
I'm sitting at a table alone and there's a spotlight on me I probably look so cool.
Ice cream sandwich thing with raspberries